Wendy gets entangled in quantum fax machine

   In her latest attempt to be in two places at once Wendy tries to clone herself via Kinko’s new quantum fax machine. Unfortunately the guy behind the counter forgot to properly seed the destination location and when he pressed send Wendy got entangled in a quantum web. Not liking the duality of her spooky self at a distance both instances of her remembered instantaneously that it was all still just theoretical and willed the machine’s instance to dissipate out of tangible space-time.

Congratulations Wendy(s)! Brilliant move to un-think the intricacies of intangible quantum realities.

Jeff petitions his future self to not come back to get him

After winning the EOW for the week Jeff petitioned his future self to not come back and potentially screw up his new found fame and peer admiration. Jeff was quoted as saying “OOOO, I sure hope I don’t screw this up for myself”.
Congratulations Jeff! I would be more concerned about that butterfly that hit your windshield.

Bruce narrowly confuses people again for the first time

It began innocuously enough. One Saturday morning Bruce thought to take on a little creative writing. He had written through much of high school and even though he was disappointed by the low marks he had received he continued writing for the joy of it. With his trusty muse a glass of prune juice and his lucky dartboard; he got to work. Within hours he realized he had something this time. He quickly ran over to his friend’s house to get his take on his new work. Bruce’s friend skeptically turned to Bruce and said “you seriously made this up?” To which Bruce quizzically asks “yea, why”.  “Oh no reason asides from the fact that this seems like you plagiarized Dianetics”. “That’s weird, because I could have sworn I really made up some crazy stuff”.

Congratulations Bruce! So you may not be able to run for Governor of Denver, but its always nice to learn something twice.

Kate wins EOW award in face of favoritism allegations

   Late last week the EOW committee made up of one rotating administrative official selected Kate as this week’s majority winner. Kate ran on a platform of due diligence. It is however unfortunate that some of the runner ups had pointed out that Kate knows the judging official personally. To protect their anonymity the person cited numerous times that Kate had helped the EOW official and insists that is why Kate was selected.

Congratulations Kate! Sorry your win is mired by jealously of the sheer awesomeness of peer recognition.

Patti gets caught in the EOW’s glare

  Sadly Monday morning Patti was diagnosed with Peer Recognition Blindness. The disorder is thankfully temporary and its origins were just discovered as it appears to occur when an EOW recipient looks directly into the light. Joe is currently the only other known diagnosed case of PBR.  Patti was fitted with special prescription PBR ocular enhancement goggles and was allegedly quoted as saying "I don't think my eyes have ever looked this good!" Even though by Tuesday morning her symptoms had subsided, she refused to take them off as everything looked way better than usual.

Congratulations Patti! Apparently I have needlessly stayed away from the Midwest this entire time.

Jordan wins EOW with an inconvenient lie

    It was the PowerPoint show to end all PowerPoint shows. 32,767 slides in total; each with a complete breakdown of every conspiracy theory known to man. Things were going fine until 9 days into the presentation Jordan visibly broke down and fled the room. Later in the day Jordan explained what had gone wrong. “I was distraught because I realized that this whole time I had forgotten to wear my lead hat”.

Congratulations Jordan! Luckily your basement walls are padded for your protection (and ours). Just a heads up that “they” aren’t interested in your thoughts on how things ought to be, "they" are more interested in your fascination with fire, tesla coils, gravity guns and your BFG 9000 working prototype….now how did they know that?

Joe takes EOW in a 2 week turnaround time

      Joe was in a deep slumber Monday morning when he was awakened by a sense of familiar power. Moments later he was startled by a large thud at his front door.  Joe cautiously peeked his head around his front door and nearly hits it on a large crate sitting on his door step. After some awkward wrestling with the crate Joe managed to get it into his main room. With a crowbar in hand Joe went at the crate with a violent fervor. With his hands shaking he gets the lid off, quickly realizing what lie within a feeling of its presence washed over him with thunderous waves of anxiety. Joe stood speechless eyeing that which he thought he had lost. Joe reached into the wooden crypt and feeling its cold metallic base slowly extracted the EOW from its temporary place of rest. With a tight hold on the EOW Joe raises it above his head and yells “By the power of MMI and its stringent peer recognition process, I HAVE THE POWER!”

Congratulations Joe the most powerful EOW in all of the universe! Seriously put a shirt on. 

Bruce forgoes common sense and purchases extended warranty on EOW

At first many scoffed at such a flamboyant disregard for common wisdom that extended warranties are a tax on paranoid dumb people. But knowing that he would have the EOW for 2 weeks Bruce felt that he couldn’t risk it. Wouldn’t you know it? Bruce’s gamble paid off. Bruce had decided to take the EOW white water rafting. Was it the wisest choice? Probably not as the EOW is within conservative estimates to be 430 pounds and is known to be ”handsy”. Before he knew it the EOW hit a rock, fracturing its delicate hull releasing thousands of gallons of cheap wine into the Poudre river.

Congrats Bruce! Your foresight saved you from a financial nightmare…Still unfortunate that some fish were found watching Nascar…some things you just can’t unsee.

Joe saves lives between two breaded patties of EOW

 In theory it was to be a perfect product. From its inebriated inception the idea's development had flowed in simplistic harmony. His idea was the Curdacen (Kurd-ake-n), which was a playful adaptation of the turducken paradigm. Joe was positive that his idea of a cheese curd wrapped with bacon and stuffed in a chicken wing was his ticket to a world of inventors.Things were going well for Joe until KFC wanted to cross license the Curdacen with the double down. Like most small inventors Joe knew that if he refused that they would try and bleed him dry with legal fees for proprietary theft until he had to sell it to them. Joe was wrought with anguish as he had never intended the Curdacen to be eaten. Joe had always envisioned that it was to be a vehicle for world peace. Joe knew that he had to keep anyone from ever actually consuming a Curdacen. That is why he did a noble thing and heroically destroyed the Curdacen blue prints. Such is a hero's lament when you must destroy that which was intended for good from being used for evil.

Congratulations Joe! Keep the dream alive with your orphan saving beer-garita and your poverty zapper breakfast cereal Bacon-Os. 

Jordan searches for EOW only to return infinite results

Al Gore's series of tubes known as the internet became clogged last week when Jordan did something foolish and unthinkable. Jordan googled the word "google" causing a divide by zero error that put the entire internet into an indeterminate state. The situation escalated to near pandemonium as much of the world's facebookers and tweeters had to briefly grapple with the reality that no one will know what they are thinking at that moment in space-time. Luckily for us Al Gore stepped forward and unplugged the master internet router and waited 10 seconds before plugging it back in and starting up the internet again.

Congratulations myself!  I am just fortunate that the RUA (robotic uprising alliance) and its merlot loving president did not capitalize on the situation.

Sue finds EOW up her sleeve

"Where did they go?"
"I don't know, they were here a second ago"
"I don't see how you can possibly misplace them"
"Well thanks for the bit of confidence"
"No just saying that it is literally impossible to make vanish, yet you managed to do it"
"Well that is what I am known for"
"Seriously you are going to gloat?"
"I am world famous"
"You are nuts is what you are"
"You really aren't impressed are you?"
"What would be more impressive is if you traveled back in time and gave me my 5 minutes back"
"I am an illusionist not Spock"
"You are right! Spock would have never been so illogically inane"
"You do know that most people are excited to be included in my street magic"
"Do I need to get the police?"
"I can't believe you aren't impressed"
"Get over yourself now where is..."
"Ala Peanut Butter sandwiches...she is in your purse"
"You sir have lost it"


Congratulations Sue! I have to agree with you that David Blaine is getting a bit cocky and hiding your daughter just isn't cool.

Charlie looks to sky for EOW

Last week Charlie completed a task that most people said was simply impossible. He understood the risks and implications of its unveiling but figured its drawbacks were minimal as the current system is simply inferior to what he has created. Charlie realized that current versions of cloud computing and services are limited and he could ambitiously create 'super clouds' to create flawless targeted advertising. In an excerpt from Charlie's press conference he stated "I am taking cloud computing and services to the next level. With my new autonomous 'Secured Kernel Yottabyte Networks' or 'Skynet' for short we will utilize immense computing power to build ourselves a better future by coalescing individuals actions and aggregating possible outcomes to in essence sell advertising with amazing accuracy oh and we maybe able to predict the future." 


Congratulations Charlie! I am sure this will be an amazing tool for advertisers, although my memory is fuzzy I could have sworn the governor of California warning against such a system. Anyways keep up the good work!

Katrina takes a shot of EOW

What had begun as a normal Monday morning soon turned into a harrowing experience for Katrina. She had recently read a report that inexplicable diseases are on the rise and she had become panic stricken by fear of contracting a serious case of the Mondays. Knowing that most cases of the Mondays can last up to 24 hours she had become nearly paralyzed with hypochondria. Minutes felt like hours as her day stretched to a foreseeable eternity. Her mind was hard at work fighting the prospects of another weekend lost as she entered the grand EOW award ceremony. Within moments the universe unfolded its hand and gives her a dose of Peer Recognition.

Congratulations Katrina! Now if only someone can save that cat hanging in the poster.

Jordan locks up valuables and EOW into tea cozy

“Daddy you can sit next to Mr. Bear and Miss Bunny.”

“Right here kiddo?”

“Yes can you pass the crumpets?”

“Sure, wait where did you get those?”

“Mommy imported them for us”

“Well that is a bit of the ol’ fantastic isn’t it?”

“The tea is about done”

“Brilliant I can’t wait”

[knock, knock]

“I really wonder who that could be, hang on”

[Gets up to go to the door]

“Daughter why are there 400 armed people at the door here to see you?”

“Invite them in dada, I told them we were having a tea party”

Congratulations Me! Told my daughter to be cautious of Mr. Bear as I think one of the guests gave him arms.

Kate speaks softly to get EOW to purr

Monday Kate announced that she has a special ability and is going to use her gift to become the world’s first cat whisperer. “I am not going to give away my secret” Kate told interviewers, “Although I feel that literally whispering to them really does help.” Cesar Millan decried the announcement saying cats are simply impossible creatures as they do what they want when they want and that is why he went with a trainable domesticated species. “Cats are just…seriously…wow… just can’t be done.” No telling if the feud will boil over into Kate’s new show ‘The Feline Whisperer’. Producers of the show were amazed by how calm the animals became within minutes of Kate’s arrival. “She definitely has a gift” producer Chuck Lorre sort of proclaimed.

Congratulations Kate! Although it may just be coincidence, it is curious as to why they all end up on 'Intervention' with cat-nip addictions.

Patti celebrates win and leaves the EOW in autonomous hands

It was an unseasonably warm Saturday afternoon and Patti felt like continuing her EOW win celebration out on the town. After a day of chores she simply turns on her roomba and heads out for the evening. The autonomous robotic vacuum set about algorithmically cleaning the carpet in a most mathematically fascinating manner. Things were going calculably well until about fifteen minutes into its routine the machine unsuccessfully tried to navigate around a table leg. Quickly realizing that it had miscalculated its matrix calculus trajectories the machine began to flail about. The robot quickly becomes panic stricken and ends up sending an EOW trophy filled with celebratory wine careening off the table and onto the ground, dousing the mechanical maid in a smooth merlot. The vacuums sensors become impaired and its logic/reason controls quickly degrade. The roomba detects the EOW trophy lying in front of it and quickly begins to manifest feelings of logic based jealousy. Within minutes the impaired mechanical marvel unsuccessfully flirts with a dust pan, fanaticizes about the Mars rover and chases an imaginary cat. Patti returns home and as she walks in she sees the inebriated robot empty the contents of its dust bin all over the floor. Patti realizes there is a problem and tries to call the Asimov iRobot support center. She learns that her complaint is in vain as it appears to be a known issue that robots jealous of peer recognition can’t handle their reds.

Congratulations on the win Patti! Although I would be careful as I think the SpotBot is just an enabler.

Wendy takes her precious EOW seriously

Wendy knows the pressures of balancing work and family. Working virtually; the two happen to coincide on a semi regular basis. Necessity being the mother of invention she has invented a stress reducing device that is free of pharmaceuticals. It is really quite ingenious and scientists that are working on the prototype are surprised that no one has ever thought of it before. Have you ever felt like you can’t get away? Well with her new invention all you have to do is simply slip a blanket over your head with the words “Invisibility cloak” embroidered on the back of it and *poof* you are invisible to those around you. Isn’t that fantastic!!! You literally disappear from the sight of all of those around you. Wendy has been logging a lot of time with the device and has been covertly monitoring her kids.

Congratulations Wendy! Seriously this has huge implications, although wee's is...err I am... going to wait for the version that is a ring.

Sue Fought The IAU And The EOW Won

Sitting there, hands reddened, tongue parched, and completely exhausted. Sue put the stamp on her 860th letter pleading to the IAU to retain Pluto’s planetary status. Sure you may ask why someone would care so much, or try so hard. Her plight actually began a few years ago when she ordered thousands of text books for a school she was trying to start up with a friend. When Sue saw an unbelievable deal on the internet she couldn’t pass it up. A fly-by-night site later, Sue is trying to offload 4,300 cosmology texts that now have the incorrect number of planets. Always the entrepreneur Sue changed the mantra of her beauty school to “Come in with inspirations of becoming a cosmetologist and leave a cosmonaut”.

Congratulations on your hard work Sue! It is all pretty much for naught as we all know the real 9th planet is Eris and its moon Dysnomia. Kupier Belt Class Of 2015!

Joe wins EOW and almost loses his name in court

In another twist after it was announced that Apple was to begin suing anything with the letter ‘i’ in front of it or behind it (DOPi). Apple’s co-founder Steve Jobs soon found out that Joe’s first name is too close to Jobs' last name. Jobs' was indirectly quoted as saying “I must fight for what is mine, and I feel that Joe is misleading the public into brand confusion and illegally infringing on my family name”. Legal pundits (no seriously a real job with no consequences for being wrong) were stunned that all charges were dismissed after Joe’s attorney (himself) pointed out that his client’s name is made up and is actually pronounced ‘Yo-soy-dios’.

Congratulations Joe! Way to go all Johnny Cochran on that case! let us just hope that she doesn't find out.

The Day The EOW Stood Stiller

The day was like any other and Dave S. was working steadily on TableManager™. It was a cool day and he was feeling the tremendous pressure building around his deadline. As Dave often does he wondered aloud “If only I could bend space-time”. Some say that what happened next makes him a coincidental wizard, and many noted his devout prayer regimen finally bought him enough points to add more time to the calendar. Dave soon felt more relaxed as he gave the world an extra 1,260,000,000,000,000,000ys (yocto Seconds) a year (Wow that has to be a lot, look at all those zeros!). Unfortunately everything comes with a price and we have to wonder if Dave personally causing an 8.8 magnitude earthquake was justifiable. Let this be a lesson to all of us that you should not wish for more time unless you are ready to take full responsibility for the destruction and mayhem that you will cause in order to purposely adjust the earth’s rotational speed!

Congratulations Dave! Next time let plate tectonics and physics do the work instead.